What the hell am I doing?

It's 4:40 in the morning and I just cut two leeks. They are currently soaking and when my alarm goes off at 6:20am, I'll skim them off the dirty water surface and throw them into a pot of boiling water. Still, the question remains: what the hell am I doing?

I'm 26 years old and already feel over worked and under paid in a position that is known to be thankless. I'm not saying my boss doesn't appreciate me, but the truth is I'm completely unhappy. Last night Mike and I went to dinner and I spent $78 on mashed potatoes, sauteed broccolirabe, 3 glass of wine, calamari, and his chicken pot pie and beer. What the hell am I doing?

I don't make enough to spend money like that! However, they say that when we are stressed we go into survival mode and bulk up on high carb foods in case we need to run away from the enemy. You can't run away from the enemy if the enemy is the situation you've created for yourself. Because I feel like a big fat blob that has stopped exercising and started drinking way too much coffee, I'm making the leek-cleanse and forcing myself to only drink the broth and green tea. I hope it works.

Clarity, is something I've completely lost. I go through these times, every so often. I bog myself down with too much to do and too little money to really do it. I'm not going to blame myself for everything, but there is something to be said for being unhappy - stop doing what it is that depresses you so, and start doing the things that lift you up.

Ok. It's 4:47am and I feel slightly better. Onward and upward. Water, tea, leeks, and fruit. Go.