Intention: Mindful & Peaceful Transitions

Wednesday night I summoned enough courage to attend a yoga class. It's been a while and I've fallen off the proverbial wagon as far as exercise and healthy decisions go. It was time for a little push; time for someone to tell me I'm pushing my right hip out and get back in line no matter how much pain, it is only temporary.

At the beginning of each class we are asked to set an intention or dedication for practice. My plan was to work on letting go. Letting go of physical and emotional pain; letting go of people, places and things who don't belong to me; letting go of success and failure; letting go of everything and anything so I'm only left with myself. This was my intention and at first it was strong, but then it started to suffocate my breathing.

While working on awkward standing positions my mind shifted to the thought of transitions. We were moving ever so delicately from one stance to the other and I felt as though I had 500lb weights on either of my arms or as if I had never taken a dance class in my life (mind you I was a modern dancer in college but I definitely did not embody a single graceful quality tonight).

Then it happened! It's not about letting go, it's about transitioning. It's about, to me and tonight, moving from one position/place to another with the most conscious and subconscious grace I could muster up. The movement between positions is indeed a position itself and should have as much intention as the destination.

So there we have it! In life, if too much focus is on letting go I'll never be able to fully submit without tending to the transition of submission. Aaaaaaah. Once I realized this, I was able to breathe. The rest of the class kicked my ass but those weights had been released.

Now for food? Well, I met with Lily yesterday afternoon and we planned the menu for our afternoon tea. I have to workout the recipes and test a few things, but the bottom line is: I'm psyched! Much more to come on this soon!!

Yee Haw Inspiration!!

I have been meaning to write for about a week now, but just haven't found the time and every time I sit down my mind goes... blank. Well, here I am in Franklin, TN with one of my best friends Ginny Priz.

My show has ended and a new one will begin a few weeks. After the holidays I hit a huge depression where it was hard to get out of bed, difficult to cook a healthy meal, impossible to concentrate, and forget about exercise. Yes, that was a post-holiday blues and I felt like victim #1.

Well, my friends, that time is over (as of last week). I woke up last Friday and counted every one of my blessings as I showered away the negative energy. I was sitting in the control room that day on 24 Hour Restaurant Battle where I have been graciously given the opportunity to act as Associate Story Producer. May not seem like much to those who have already accomplished this goal, but to me, this is the big times (I'm such a nerd).

Saturday, I had my Franklin Ave girlfriends over for a brunch of croissant french toast, breakfast potatoes, bacon and assorted fruit. YUM! While at Lily and Fig bakery, Lily, the owner/baker, asked me to come back Monday to talk about a project with her. I had mentioned my passion for cooking and she said she was looking for a sous chef... WHAT COULD IT BE?!

Then, Sunday (it just keeps getting better), I was Chef Carl Raymond's sous chef at the Astor Center for his Sauces Class! We started prep at 8:30am and were running around straight until 4:15pm. To say the least it was absolutely amazing and his encouraging words have me contemplating a basic culinary degree again. Me? A cooking teacher? Could that be in my future? Who knows!!!!

Sunday led way to Monday where I sat with Lily for about an hour planning out a Sunday Afternoon Tea for our neighborhood! I've sketched recipes for several soups, salads & sandwiches and cannot wait for February 13th. The best thing is that I can still go to church in the morning and then cook in the afternoon.

These are blessings. The people involved in these situations yanked me out of my funk and I swear to you, words cannot express my gratitude.

And now, here I am, with my dear, dear friend, Ginny, at her beautiful new home in Tennessee. She is blessed! Fantastic roommates, wonderful new friends, and INCREDIBLE FOOD all around her. Awesome!

So, today? Today we go wine tasting. YEE HAW!!

...Nope, just me

I hate to admit this but I've been having a major problem being single. I find it difficult to cook for one, when I open a bottle of wine I (most of the time) drink the whole thing (usually not the best of ideas but sometimes not the worse), and when I come home and want to talk to someone... well, I can't. On the other hand, I've been having a great time with my friends and even the occasional alone time is quite comforting.

When I came home from the holidays I was extremely depressed. All of this love and time spent with family and Lambertville friends was suddenly ripped from me. There I was, smack back in a reality that was both lonely and exhausting. I cried on the inside often and every once in a while a tear would sneak its way down my cheek.

Like I said, I'm not proud admitting all of this - it's actually quite embarrassing. I really wish I was one of those people who could just let things roll off my shoulders and go with the flow. I try so hard, I promise I do. But this season is super difficult and I have to face it.

So this morning when I got to work, I read this and it made me feel much better. There is a lot going for me right now and I need to focus on the positive. If I let this or that get me down everything I've worked my butt off for will come crumbling down. I can't let this happen. I don't need a man to hang up my art work or mirrors, I need a power drill; I don't need a man to tell me I look smashing in that dress, I know I do; I don't need a man to run with me or go wine tasting with me or shuck oysters with me or cook with me... clearly I can do all of these on my own.

So, I guess it's time I really start!

A Single Gals NYC Weekend

Friday - My first college basketball game since I was in college to support my friend's friend, who is the coach of the Hunter Girls' team. Then we moved onto karaoke where I sang "Pulling Mussels (From A Shell)" which is my favorite Squeeze song... no one knew it. Ha! But it was a blast, none the less.

Saturday - Lots of tea and lots of cleaning. I met Jess at Chelsea Market to buy the most delicious ingredients we could get our hands for our impromptu dinner party that evening. Here is what the menu ended up being (mind you, ALL was prepared with much love by myself, Jess, Ryan, Christian & Troy):

Oysters - Hama Hama, Baron Point, Beau Soliel, Malpeque, Otter Creek

Manilla Clam Sauce (Jess's uncles recipe)

Marinara with Assorted Sauteed Mushrooms (vegan)

Homemade Linguine (vegan)

Cashew Ricotta (vegan)

Simple Green Salad with lemon/agave vinaigrette

Garlic Bread (the way I used to make it in the restaurant)

I think that was it. We had some really fabulous wines and then completed the night with a screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. This dinner will go down as one of the best... honestly.

BUT then I came home to a flood in my kitchen. Realized the water was pouring out of my dishwasher (which wasn't on) and started sopping up all of my towels.

Sunday - Woke up to *drip* *drip*.... and another flood in my kitchen. Bailed out the dishwasher again, notified my landlords and headed to church. When I came home around noon I had every intention of going food shopping, but instead spent the next 3 hours with the plumber who ripped apart my kitchen. He left and I spent the next hour cleaning up the empty hole which used to hold a piece of equipment that made cleaning easier on me.... irony?

Then football. Disappointment. Damn you, Eagles.

Regardless of Super Bowl dreams being shattered, I was invited up for dinner with Susan and kids. It was delightful, delicious, and made me feel like I was back to being part of a family. Roasted pork, carrots, cabbage, rice pilaf, a green salad, and a glass of Sauv Blanc. Not to mention we discussed my karaoke choice from Friday and not only did Susan know (and love) that song... the kids did too!

Have a great week!!

A Simple Article With a Big Message

NY Times article Chop, Fry, Boil: Eating for One, or 6 Billion

Enjoy!

Meatless Monday (and one of my favorite shows)

While I'm not a vegetarian anymore (*sigh*) I am working on a conscious effort to not eat meat 3 days a week, Monday being one of them (haven't figured out the other two yet, woops!). Another conscious effort I do not have to work so hard on is my dedication to my favorite Monday night tradition: cooking dinner for myself and watching The Bachelor.

So, last nights Season Premier menu included a warm quinoa salad with fennel and curry chickpeas topped with a generous amount of lemon and parsley. Mmmmmmm and the best part is I have enough show gossip and leftovers for today's lunch!

The question now is what is the Tuesday night tradition? Possibly an evening run, followed by cleaning, and figuring out what to make for dinner.

Who said being single in Manhattan wasn't fun?! Oh the crazy life I do lead.

Welcome 2011

Today is January 3rd. I have been off with family and friends since December 23rd and I'm not quite sure I remember what my job is, where I have to go, how to get there, etc. Just kidding. I'll fall back into the groove of things by the time I'm out the door.

Here's my thought on the new year: while I want to pick up where I left off with some habits there are plenty of them I would like to lay to rest with 2010. And they are as such...

Habits I would like to keep:

1. Volunteering at Astor Center and continuing my culinary education

2. Experimenting more in the kitchen. I have a pasta maker and an oyster shucker sitting in a cabinet... why are they not being used?

3. Read daily and watch more movies

4. Yoga, running, and drinking tea

5. Forgive and love myself for being human

6. Host more dinner parties in my little, but cozy home

7. Visit more museums and galleries in this great city I'm in

Things I lay to rest with 2010:

1. Trying to be someone I'm not

2. Poor gardening technique

3. Experiments gone wrong in the kitchen

4. Worry, regret, resentment and any leftover anger... no room for this in 2011.

There are more resolutions, revelations, and regrets but this is not the time to boast on them. Instead, I leave my post here to prepare for the day. I did my 3 sun salutations and am drinking my tea. My apartment is silent except for the bustling family upstairs who are getting ready for their return to school. We're all in the same boat and we all have to return to reality today. While I'm sure concentrating will come and go today, I wish us all luck!

Here Comes Christmas

I couldn't be more excited for Christmas this year. For some reason, regardless of the cold weather, decorated store fronts, carols streaming on every radio station, and the absurd bombarding of online sales filling my inbox, it doesn't quite feel like the season. Nonetheless, I still cannot wait.

Perhaps it's because this year has been such a significant year for change. I feel like a completely different person than I was this time in 2009, yet I'm not. I'm still me. I'm still the girl who likes to come home after work and cook. I'm still the girl who looks forward to running in the morning before taking on the day. I'm still the girl who gets butterflies on Sunday evenings and settles them with honey tea. While I'm still that girl... I haven't hardly been doing those things. Literally time is just not on my side these past few months.

Well, my friends, that is all about to change over the next 10 days. I'll be in Lambertville and will have nothing on my mind but cranking out homemade pasta, hiking through vast fields, running along the river, and loving every second of my family and friends. I may actually write! I may actually be able to sit at a coffee shop and work on some sort of a transcript for some kind of a book! I may actually be able to whip up some butternut squash ravioli filling and make cookies with Eliot! I may actually be able to spend an entire day making a 3 course meal for my parents!

This is going to be good, this is going to be really good.

And yes, I will post before New Years to reflect on 2011. It's not time to say goodbye to a year that has taught me so much, so I'm going to squeeze every last second out of it.

All in a year...

December 1st marks my one year anniversary of living on my own. It has been a year filled with trials, tribulations, change, consistency, love, laughter, tears, fears, rough tides and peaceful waters.

I find myself sitting here this Wednesday morning, mid week, at a cross roads. My mind is racing in unnecessary directions yet I have focus. My career is taking the center stage right now and it's not about making a million dollars, but about doing what I love. Cooking, writing, learning - I feel like a forever-student, and that isn't a bad thing.

I'm planning trips, mapping out my book (children's books, perhaps!!), meeting new people, listening to inspiring music, reading motivational literature, hell I'm even dancing! Moving... just keep on moving because eventually all of this will settle down, which will be fine. For now, however, I have no intention of stopping or taking a moment for granted. Everyone in my life and every experience, good or bad, is a blessing.

Thankful

Yesterday was one of my absolute favorite holidays, Thanksgiving. The table was overflowing with turkey, potatoes, sauces, ham, corn, beans, and other staples. Faith, my beautiful neice, bounced on her mothers knee and giggled at her brothers obsession with pomegranate seeds. We all laughed and reminisced, ate and drank. It was perfect.

It wasn't until dessert time when Eliot started complaining about not liking apple pie (he doesn't like the sugar on top and would prefer to just eat raw apples - good boy!). I explained to him how lucky he is to have a piece of apple pie in front of him. How fortunate he is to have all of this food and family around him. We explained that there are some children in the world who are not as fortunate and this is why we give thanks - for all of our blessings. I think, for a 3 year old, he somewhat understood and said he was thankful and then took a bite of the pie.

Whether he understood or not, hearing myself say these things made me more thankful. I think we all lose sight of all we have. While it isn't the material things I'm thankful for it's the amazing family I have, the supportive and loving friends I have, and the incredible good food and wine we share together. I'm blessed. We all are.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Dear Life...

Dear Life,

You've been trying to get my attention and I've been out for the past two weeks enjoying late night dinners, cocktails and wine, concerts, and deep conversations with good friends and family. You've been trying to get me up to run and I've been laying in bed until 7am; reluctantly crawling out of my comfortable sheets to half ass a yoga sequence and mentally prepare for the day. You've been trying to get me to read literature and I've had my i-pod on a loud volume repeating The Decemberists, Rilo Kiley, Neko Case, Nina Simone, and others.

But I have to ask, isn't this all part of you? Since the marathon finished I've been on full speed ahead trying to catch up on the social experiences I had to miss out on while training. Well, I am tired now and I am listening to you.

I'm ready to think fully about my career. I'm ready to think fully about writing my book. I'm ready to think fully about organizing a food-sensory curriculum for schools or plotting my dream cafe's business plan. The funny thing is that these goals and realities never left the spotlight of my mind and heart - they simply just were not on the front burner. They are now, so do not worry.

So, Life, here is my proposal for this week: When I get back to Brooklyn today I'll do my grocery shopping and clean my apartment. I'll cook, watch movies, and do yoga all day. Tomorrow morning I'll run and get back on my schedule. I am a creature who thrives on routine and now I need to learn how to integrate my social life into my daily/weekly plan.

Life, no matter what anyone says, you are a good listener and I'm glad we had this little conversation.

Yours Truly,
Kendra

Food and Mood Link? I believe it...

I think this is a really interesting article published in the LA Times the other day.

While the report doesn't fully support the definite link between food and mood I think it does a fair job explaining the scientific end of it.

Take a read. What do you think?

Really, LX TV?

I woke up yesterday morning and felt like my body had just been through war. My ribs were killing me making it difficult to breathe and I had a slight fever. I ran the entire way Sunday and while I didn't reach my goal time (I made it in 5:14:48), I was very proud to not have walked AND I beat Jared from Subway.

But what I want to talk about was a segment I saw on LX NYC last night at 5pm. For those of you who do not know LX NYC is an hour long magazine news style show on NBC which took place of real news programming (it's basically a morning talk show in the evening). There was a segment about beating obesity with fat and it was sickening to watch.

The headlines sprawled out words and graphics about fruits and vegetables perhaps being the reason we are fat and shining light on the health benefits of red meats and fried food. I just about threw up while watching and was so disturbed at the composition of (mis) information and footage.

The piece was based around a book about obesity (I looked on their website and found it very difficult to navigate anything from their program) and while they did preach portion size (which is the only bonus) I felt that every bit of information was taking 5,000 steps back. Viewers/Consumers are confused enough with the abundance of information out there. We do not need to start believing that high fat foods and no exercise are the key to loosing weight. The last thing we need is someone telling us that fruits, vegetables, and exercise are making us fat! Are you kidding me?

I am not a health expert but I do my research and I work in media. I believe in book reviews, but do not preach their message. A line was crossed and while I'm kind of appalled, I hope others who saw it are too.

Thankfully the saving grace is when Sara Gore and her co-host both commented on not necessarily believing all of the information in the piece BUT saying portion size is very important for any intake. But seriously, who did that one get past?

Marathon Eve Ponderings

As I rode the N train back into Brooklyn tonight I gazed down the East River and spotted Lady Liberty. Her light reflecting in the evenings water and her strength standing strong against the cool fall air. There she was placed and there she remains, alone. I realized I felt lonely. I realized that I've been lonely for a while and, for now, I don't really mind.

Two nights ago I was waitressing at a book launch and had a rush of loneliness. It's a feeling reminiscent of my restaurant days which I actually used to love. My favorite was working on Sunday nights. We played jazz over the sound system, the ambiance was low and romantic. Couples and families swooned over deliciously rich meals, wine, and fine conversation. I remember watching them as I brought and cleared their plates and thought, "someday, I'll have that". Whatever "that" was and is.

So you may be wondering, "what the hell does this have to do with the NYC ING Marathon?". A lot, actually. Tomorrow I feel like I'm crossing a line. I will no longer be a non-marathoner, but a marathoner. It's like a right of passage into a community I've always admired. I can feel lonely all I want because when I'm on the road or trail nothing matters but me and the course ahead of me.

Today I met Bart Yasso at the Running Expo. I had just read about him and while we talked briefly about Lambertville, he signed my Runner's World Magazine. Tonight, while coming home from my pasta dinner with running friends, it hit me that he ran for loneliness too! A man who was always shunned by his father - he ran and pushed his body to ease the pain.

We are not so far off, Bart and I. While my parents always supported me, they won't be here tomorrow. Actually, none of my family will be here. Friends, yes, and thank God for them. But family, no, they have their own things going on (kids, church, etc).

So here I am. In less that 12 hours from now I'll be on my way to Staten Island. In less than 24 hours, I'll be a marathoner. I'm sure this sounds like a pitiful post, but I promise you it is not. I'm actually very content and very happy and very excited about this experience. Now, off to write my dedication miles!

Stand strong, Lady Liberty, stand strong.

Just a few more days...

It is so close I can taste it!

Against every urge to roll over and hit snooze for the 5th time this morning, I got my butt out of bed! After five sun salutations and some light yoga, I laced up those running shoes and zipped up the ol' rain coat. Rilo Kiley helped me through two rainy miles and when I got back to my house, I wanted to go back for more. I didn't. I held back, went inside stretched, ate a juicy orange, and got ready for the day.

I'm ready for this marathon! I'm scared to death, but I'm ready. I probably could have trained harder than I did, but it's too late to look back on that now. I have to keep moving forward and exercise the two most powerful muscles in my body: the heart and the brain. It is imperative for them to be on the same team.

There aint no backin' out now! November 7th will be a day I'll never forget. I keep saying I'll never run another marathon because the training is so grueling... but I take that back. I can't imagine my life without long, peaceful runs.

Focus and Faith

When we are ready, the message or lesson presents itself and we can embrace it.

Waking up this morning was difficult. I had a long, but wonderful weekend and it caught up to me. To bed at 9:30pm and awake at 7:30am. Instead of running, I needed yoga. I needed to breathe deep and be in silence.

When I opened my email I had a new message from Yoga Journal. The subject, Heart Healers. I cannot go on with what it was about but it was comforting and spoke directly to my soul.

I'm continuing to focus now. The marathon is in a few days and I've been great with running and nutrition. I'll put in a few miles this evening, so I'm not worried. Bottom line is this: I'm not going to beat myself up anymore. If I want that peace and positivity I've experienced in the past, I need to appreciate the struggle and doubt I'm in right now. The enlightenment will not be the same, it will be its own strength and understanding. Faith is what I have now. Focus and faith.

5.84 Miles in 56 Minutes

Finally a run worth writing about! I didn't even bother yesterday because I was so fed up with being cranky and negative. However, I'm back in the groove!

The marathon is next Sunday (what is that, 9 days away - clearly my even my counting was off!) and I'm as nervous as anything. It's coming whether I like it or not... so I guess I better just like it!

That's really all I have to say.

12 Days

AHHHHH!!! I could scream right now! I read my ING Marathon Handbook before bed last night and kept having dreams that I woke up late and missed the start! Then I had another dream I made it to the start line but when I got to the locker room at the end (there will be 0 locker rooms, mind you) I couldn't remember if I finished the race or not!

THEN I woke up late and tired this morning. I tried to mentally prepare myself for my morning run but just felt the weight of making it to work on time which is stupid because I'm always at least 20 minutes early for work.

Here's the reality. The run was terrible. I felt like I had cinder blocks for legs and as if my lungs were working against me. I only made it 2.89 miles and that is just NOT acceptable. I guess I need a new approach. Running is my haven, my positive experience! Running is the calming moment of my day when I don't have to think about anyone - but I can't help thinking about EVERYONE and EVERYTHING now. I just want to scream, SHUT UP!

There was one good thing this morning - so I'll focus on this and stop complaining (its not very becoming). When I entered the park I heard a Mocking Bird call. Usually I associate this with the spring and yet it is currently the fall. It was a comforting reminder of my favorite fact of life: this too shall pass. This season will lead into the next and then the next after that. Time keeps moving and thank God it does. Nothing is forever - a bad run, a bad day (or month in my case), a bad decision. Nothing. This too shall pass.

So, here's to tomorrow! Here's to tomorrow's run being better than today! Onward and upward - because this chick is done swirling downward.

Marathon Countdown: 13 Days

Sunday was a terrible run. Saturday was supposed to be my 10 miler, but instead I opted to lounge around until 10am before heading to Lambertville. I went to bed early and awoke Sunday morning tired, unmotivated, and unfocused. I did put in 7 miles along the river but they were the longest 7 miles of my life and I wondered if I would make it to church on time and alive.

Today was slightly different. I awoke with a somewhat clear mind and fairly sore for some reason, but ready. As I stretched, prepped my gatorade for return, and laced up my running shoes I felt like an athlete and couldn't wait to hit the road.

I ran exactly 3 miles in 29 minutes. Not terrible, but not the best for having a marathon in a few weeks. Regardless - I did it.

For the next two weeks I am committing myself to writing every day about running. I will run Tuesday through Sunday (10/26 - 10/31) this week and Tuesday through Friday (11/2 - 11/5) next week. I am COMMITTING myself to something because it seems I've been having a problem with that lately. I am COMMITTING myself to a schedule and to eating right and to not drinking. I am COMMITTING myself to putting this run first and everything else second.

Here's the deal. I have been having a really hard time figuring out my life path, lately and the fact of the matter is when I'm running it is just me. No texting. No emails. No Facebook. Nothing except for the thoughts in my head. Most of the time as I wander through this city I wonder what the hell I'm doing here? I completely lose who I am and where I've come from. But when I run - much like when I cook - I'm transported.

I'm not fast and I'll never win a race, but to be back in this athletic mindset is amazing. I would love to have a coach and perhaps someday I will take that next step when I've settled down. For now, however, I just need my will, my sneaks, and the road (or trail) before me.

Yoga, An Idea, and the Beating of My Heart

Last night I went to sleep with every intention of waking up for an hour jog. I've been good about running and feeling great in prep for the marathon. However, something kept me inside this morning. Looking back to about an hour ago, I needed to not go fast this morning, but to take it slow.

I rose out of bed in silence and darkness. Peace, actually. Rolled out my yoga mat, lifted the curtain to let in the dim light, and proceeded to notice my breath and stretch. At first, it was a bit difficult to really get into the motions. I was going through the poses mindfully, but with an attitude. Eventually that shook away and left just me and God on the mat. It was a very beautiful and inspiring experience. Then something happened.

While I was preparing for yoga-mudra (the yogic seal at the end of your practice) a thought popped into my head and resonated. Simplicity. Usually you dedicate your daily routine to something - peace, a person, light, God, etc - at the beginning of your practice. But as if it were a message from above the idea, not the word, simplicity filled my entire being.

As I came up from yoga-mudra, I bowed my head to pray and another amazing thing happened. There, in the silence of my little apartment in Brooklyn, NY I sat on the floor. There, in the silence of the morning I could hear the beating of my own heart and feel its vibrations throughout my body. My breath inflated and deflated my chest cavity changing the tone and rhythms of my heart as if waves lapsing the shore. I sat and listened and filled myself with the moment's harmony.

Simplicity. Huh.

And now, I am here sitting with you waiting for my tea water to boil. I can't help but to think this idea of simplicity may be part of the "answer" or "path" I've been searching for. We are bogged daily with consumption and wants when all we really need is here within us.

I do not need a fancy pair of shoes to go for a run. I need a will. I do not need a fancy gym to exercise. I need creativity. I do not need 500 channels of television. I need other activities. There are a million examples on a moment to moment basis and they are distractions. Distractions from what is really important and what is really necessary.

We take ourselves and each other for granted so often we fool ourselves into believing the next gadget will make life more simple and convenient. I'm afraid, however, convenience is a path toward laziness and dependence. I am guilty of this, we all are. But I'm going to change something. I'm going to change something small every day in my life to turn this around.

Aaaaaah.